Growing new roots takes time

I came across this tree on one of my regular walks along our local riverside. What struck me about it was the shear size of the roots, exposed as they were. Some wider than my hand span – thick, coiling reptiles that snaked off under ground.

Talking with a client recently, there was frustration expressed at the slow progress that was being made. But as I considered this tree, and the enormity of it’s supporting, nourishing structures, it occurs to me that this is no surprise.

The client in question is seeking to uproot negative beliefs that have been deeply and solidly planted for years. And years. Negative beliefs about failure and not being able to change that have been reinforced repeatedly by self-defeating behaviour – no blame here, this is something that we all do. And as a result, these beliefs have grown into thick, established roots that twist down and wrap around my client’s very soul, constraining and trapping and preventing new growth and free movement.

To uproot those roots is no mean feat. Time, much effort, and a fairly heavy duty bulldozer in the form of confronting and addressing the lies that have caused the roots to develop in the first place.

Sometimes, in the course of addressing negative mindsets and behaviours, we think that the process should happen much faster. We get to the stage of understanding what is going on, and where the roots have come from, and we have wonderful new positive beliefs about ourselves which we intend to plant and establish instead, as we grow confidence and self belief. So far, so good – we know what to do, so why can’t we just do it and be free of the old ways?

These tree roots give us a stark reminder of the time and effort required to unlearn negative mindsets, and behaviour patterns. Often, these behaviour patterns are subconscious and instinctive. Becoming aware of them is a crucial first step.

But it is only through repeatedly and consistently confronting the lies that we have believed about ourselves with positive truths that we can gradually change how we think and behave.

And just as it takes time to uproot old behaviour patterns and beliefs, so too it takes time to lay down new, positive and life-giving roots.

Repetition of positive truths about ourselves.

Reinforcement of what we know to be true.

Practicing new ways of behaving based on our new found positive beliefs.

All this also takes time, effort and practice. It’s not very glamorous, or immediate, and isn’t always much fun. It doesn’t happen overnight – but when we expect it to, we can easily slip back into a dangerously negative place of believing that we have failed. Our minds – wired to tell us negative things about ourselves – reinforce this failure by telling us:

Oh look, you can’t even succeed at this! You have failed again, who were you kidding that you thought you could change.”

And – as younger Nearest-and-Dearest used to say when she was little, our situation becomes

‘much more worse-er’.

But of course, this is simply a new layer, that has the potential if unchecked, to add another ring to the established roots of lies.

For the reality is that you can change. You are taking positive steps to uproot old ways, and lay down positive new beliefs. And because this takes time, you are far from failing, you just aren’t quite there yet. But nor are you where you were last week.

Remember the one degree principle?

Small changes over time produce huge and dramatic change.

So how to help yourself lay down new roots?

• Give yourself grace – recognise that this takes time, and see progress as a gradual, daily thing.
• Be thankful for what you are learning and understanding about yourself.
• Recognise small wins – little moments when you see that you are not as quickly disappearing down the same negative thought patterns as you would have previously.Little signs of new growth that encourage you to keep going.
• Recruit others to help in the uprooting and replanting – reminding you of behaviours you want to stop, and encouraging you in who you are becoming.
• Set small daily targets – one thing that you are going to practice telling yourself each day.
• Write it all down – each evening, make a note of something you are thankful for, something that you are proud of about what you have achieved that day, some way you can see that the way you view yourself is starting to change.
• Get help – get in touch! It is much easier to do this with a raving fan alongside, someone who believes in and with you that change is not only possible, but who will remind you of the person that you are changing into. That is the power of life coaching! So contact me to arrange your free taster.

So, as you seek to grow new roots, remind yourself of this picture of the tree, and celebrate all that you are achieving over time.