This for me is the real kicker, in our quest to give up busyness for Lent. Our lives are full and busy, that is a given that is unlikely to change in our modern, first world lives. However. We have been musing here about how to live busy and present, not busy and distracted.
Part of that is learning to prioritise the rocks in our lives – those things that are most important to us.
Another jigsaw piece is stopping to see what we HAVE and who we ARE and be grateful for what we GET TO do. Switching off the mindset of what we don’t have and aren’t and have to do. Moving from grumbling and discontent to humble awareness and gratitude for the rich fullness of our lives.
Interestingly, when you look up busyness in a thesaurus, some of the synonyms include:
Unavailable…buried…wrapped up in…
How often does our busyness also cause us to be distracted? How often do we fail to be fully present to the task in hand or the person in front of us?
This epidemic of busyness robs us of the precious moments that enrich our lives so much and prompt us to refocus, to be thankful, to recognise what really matters.
Busyness is a creeping insidious thief, not necessarily of time but of joy. Toxic, pervasive, eats away at that which gives us life and enjoyment of life. And being constantly distracted is like a cancer that eats away at our relationships.
How would those closest to you describe you this week?
What would their experience of you be?
This is not to induce guilt but to challenge us to stop and think about how others are perceiving us. Are we making them feel valued and respected because we stay present to them throughout the conversation? Or do they feel that we have already checked out of the conversation and have moved on in our heads to what is next – leaving them feeling that they matter less than whatever we are now distracted by?
If I sound too confrontational and direct, forgive me.
A recent heightened awareness of the precariousness of life has brought this to the fore. Observing recently some who have faced death, or who have lost ones very close to them and you see what it means to value and cherish each precious moment.
If you had 6 months left to live, what would you do? How would that impact your ability to stay present in each moment?
Equally interestingly, antonyms to distracted in the thesaurus include:
Attentive. Being present
So how to do this in reality? Here are some simple tricks and ideas that might help flip that switch to from busy to how to stay present.
- stop what you are doing when someone is talking to you. Make eye contact, have an open body posture, switch off your tendency to listen autobiographically. Ask open questions, pick up on the non-verbal clues they are giving. Remind yourself of the 6 months to live thing, and that this person in this moment is more important than anything else. This may sound a bit extreme, and don’t shout at me if you feel this is unrealistic. But catch yourself on the next time your partner, or child, or colleague wants to talk to you and you are half listening whilst also checking your phone or looking at the TV or doing the dishes. Practice being present in conversation and notice how much richer your conversations are. If you really are in the middle of something important, explain that and come back to them at a later point so they know you have not forgotten.
- when you give or receive a hug from a friend or family member, notice how you feel, relax into it and communicate with your un-rushed presence how much they matter to you
- do one thing at a time. I am learning that for me, multitasking is a myth and makes me less effective. Pick one task, focus on each element of it and finish it. Then move on to the next. Switch off automatic pilot with daily repetitive tasks, and pay attention instead to what you are doing, how your body is feeling, what you notice around you.
- try mindful eating: smelling, experiencing, chewing slowly, savouring, noticing.
- try the 5 senses exercise: 5 things around you that you can see, that you hadn’t noticed before. 4 things you can feel – texture, sensations. 3 things you can hear that previously were just background noise. 2 things you can smell. 1 thing you can taste – or simply be aware of the taste in your mouth. Roots you in the present, increases your awareness, slows your breathing, and opens your mind to the astonishing miracle of the human body.
- tons more mindfulness ideas here as this is hot news in psychology
But at the root of this is for us to learn to value and cherish the life that we get to live. This week, when you find yourself veering into distracted busyness, take a deep breath and remind yourself that this moment matters because you can’t live it again. Seeking to learn how to stay present is seeking to live wisely.