How often do you focus on getting to the destination and lose sight of how important the journey is?
We live in a world where there can be a lot of emphasis on goals and getting to the end point. As a coach, a big part of what I do with clients is help them gain clarity on their goasl and then work towards achieving them. Reaching that magic end point – be it a dream house or the ideal partner; the promotion or the perfect job. Where we want to get to can become all consuming and the process of getting there turns into a series of frustrating stepping stones that are not allowing us to travel fast enough.
But what if the journeying itself is the real gift?
I find the use of the phrase ‘on a journey’ over used and cliched. Just listen to the radio for a few minutes and the chances are someone will be talking about the journey that they are on – of self discovery, or growth and learning.
Be that as it may, it serves as a useful metaphor for life (which is why it is used so frequently methinks).
I was on an actual journey over the weekend, and was musing on just this. I was travelling solo by public transport to a favourite Scottish island. And due to maintenance issues at the normal port of departure, we were diverted, adding several hours on to the journey time.
I was only going to be away for a few days, and only one of these on my own. I was looking forward to space, time, emptiness of head, being by the sea. The journey was a means to an end, and I was frustrated at the the delay. I equated all that I was looking forward to with arriving at my destination.
The gift of reframing.
But what if I saw the journey itself as part of the process? Took the delay as a gift, and chose to sit with it and enjoy it rather than wanting it to be over so I could Arrive.
Reframing is an often used coaching technique that allows us to look at the same situation or event but through a different frame. You can read more examples of how it is used in coaching here. This perspective shift often allows a change in mindset, which brings freedom and clarity about next steps.
How often in life are we champing at the bit and frustrated with delays in the getting-there and only focused on how life will be different When We Arrive?
But in not stopping to notice all the stages of the journey, we often miss little gifts along the way.
This is of course about awareness. It is also about creating space in our day to stop and notice so that we can then reflect. Herein lies the path to growth, as we learn to identify what frustrates us and how to deal with that appropriately.
Reframing the journeying.
When we are simply rushing through to get to the next destination, we can easily miss the people we are rushing past. We can be so focused on where we want to get to that we don’t always see the needs of those we are journeying with. The outcome of this can be that we miss kindnesses or observations from others about what we could be learning as we go, or a fresh perspective that a delay might bring.
For my own journey, it was a choice to use the time to do the thinking I had planned to do on arrival. And it was as simple as choosing to accept rather than getting frustrated. Feeling frustrated takes up a lot of energy, and spoils what is otherwise a good day, so why bother?
Acceptance says, I can’t do anything about this but I can choose my own response here. I can choose how I use this time, and I can choose to be kind and friendly to those around me rather than taking out any frustrations on them. I can choose to fully embrace and enter into all I feel in this moment, rather than skipping past or burying what is going on inside.
What journeying can you reframe this week?
Perhaps you are en route to something, and are frustrated at slow progress. It may be a physical destination, but it may equally be a learning, a new situation, an event.
Maybe stop and step back from frustrations in the journeying and instead look for gifts – insights, spaces, opportunities – that otherwise would be missed in the rushing to get to the end.