Roots and wings. I was musing on this last week as we continue into the new school term.
To have wings that allow independence, healthy self belief and autonomous grown-up decision making, we first need good solid roots. Strong, deep roots give the child a sense of belonging and a sense of self. They enable the child to learn how to grow, which is often about learning how to fail and get back up again. This requires a stable, solid foundation: roots of love, acceptance without judgment, somewhere safe and secure that allows self awareness and self discovery.
And central to growing such roots is good communication.
How effective has your communication during lockdown been?
Of course, this goes far beyond lockdown. Good communication is crucial to any relationship at any point in our lives and history. And communication takes time, effort, commitment and a willingness to learn from our mistakes.
But what ties these themes together for me just now is what our Nearest-and-Dearest have observed about how we communicate with them during the extra-ordinary season that lockdown has been. What has our communication during lockdown been like?
This is about how they have seen us deal with this catastrophic change and uncertainty, and associated heightened anxiety.
Think about your own household and those over whom you have influence.
How have you communicated with them what is going on, and it’s repercussions?
How have you entered into their world and sought to understand their view point, their uncertainties and fears?
What have you modeled to them in terms of who they are becoming?
And how have you reassured them of what remains known and secure?
This is how we help them build strong roots.
So much remains unstable and uncertain. We simply have to look at some of our European neighbours to see that the parameters of the life what we previously took for granted are some way away.
Our elder Nearest-and-Dearest is soon to head off to university. Many of the normal expectations of this new start are not in place – the normal physical meetings-up with people through classes, lectures, welcome events, freshers week, social events. This increases uncertainty about settling in, and potentially increases risks of isolation as much has to be done online.
But what we do know, and can communicate with her, is who she is. The character and nature that have grown from her roots are unchanged by the absence of the normal trappings of student life.
This is where our communication during lockdown is important, especially as the crisis eases and we get ‘out there’ more.
What are we communicating to those in our care of what they know to be certain and true?
How are we communicating with them that they remain loved and secure even amidst so much change?
How do we build in them a strong sense of who they are as individuals? To help them reflect on how they are feeling, what the changes around them mean for them, and to be rooted in who they are and what they can do rather than seeking to be someone or something they are not to fit in with this new world, or simply to try and cope?
These are all important to encourage their roots to continue to grow and deepen.
Because strong roots create strong wings, which one day they are going to need.
Your communication during lockdown and the continued precautions as it is lifted – how can you be intentional this week in creating a safe, open space to talk with the children in your life about who they are and how they are learning and growing through this crisis?