We use microscopes to examine closely the behaviour of that which is otherwise unseen. How would you feel about using a microscope to look at your own behaviour?
In some ways, lockdown served as the most intense of microscopes for our relationships.
What did you notice of the behaviour of your partner, when you were with them ALL THE TIME?
What little foibles and traits did they exhibit that you became acutely aware of and that began to drive you …well…nuts? When you were with them in close quarters with very little to dilute the situation, what aspects of their character started to come to your attention that perhaps before had gone unnoticed?
But here is a scary thought:
What would they say of YOUR behaviour?
If you were to ask them the same questions, what would they observe?
It is easy to point the finger and say the fault in the relationship lies with the behaviour of the other. More on that here.
But how willing are we to put a microscope on our own behaviour and address what needs to be changed in us?
To look at your own behaviour?
This week, take a few minutes to consider the following questions:
- When there has been conflict or tension between you and your partner, what has prompted that?
- What do you identify as your part in that?
- What CAN you take responsibility for?
- Looking back on that situation, if the outcome had been the best for you both, what would you do differently?
- Consider one aspect of your own behaviour that you know is a source of irritation or exasperation to your partner. What can you do this week to address that and change your behaviour for the better?
Be willing to stop pointing the finger of blame, to look at your own behaviour and to take responsibility for making changes for the better in ourselves, everyone wins.
You can do this, starting from now!