How grateful a person are you?

What are you most grateful for this week? When you think about the week just passed, how much of the time was your focus positive, and how often negative?

What we focus on and fill our minds with hugely influences our thoughts about ourselves, our lives, and others. There are twin laws at work here:

• the law of cognition – you are what you think
• the law of exposure – your mind thinks most about what it is exposed to.

It therefore follows that when you focus often throughout the day on what you are grateful for, that will have a hugely positive shift on how you perceive yourself and your life.

This does not mean that we take a Pollyanna approach to life and deny all that is difficult or challenging.

But if you regularly notice and are grateful for what you have and are, chances are you will approach challenges with more of a CAN-DO attitude. You can see where you have succeeded and managed before.

You will be more likely to take an “I GET TO do this….” approach rather than “I HAVE TO do this…..” as you see all the opportunities afforded to you.

When our minds are full of negative thoughts, frustrations, distractions, worries and woes we can tend towards feeling pessimistic about our lives, our opportunities, our chances to change things.

Think about your own life for a minute and where you most tend to go in your mind.

It can be a real discipline to stop the negative thoughts and worries and instead note what is good, positive and that you are thankful for.

But it really works in terms of shifting our perspectives and view of ourselves, our lives, and the wider world. There is loads of research into the power of gratitude – a nice wee summary piece here from Positive Psychology Program on multitude of benefits of gratitude.

This week, I am most grateful for elder Nearest-and-Dearest completing her exams.

Phew. And a huge YIPPEE!

It has been a grueling year for her, and studying, assignments, assessments and exams have dominated all of our lives. Much of the time, my mind has been tended more towards the negative – the amount of work needing done, the outcome of these exams, how to help with study and deal with anxiety, planning our live around the workload.

I am of course not alone in this. Many friends are in the same boat, and it is a relief to know that it is not just me who has found supporting a teen through exams to be like an additional job on top of all the normal aspects of parenting.

But as I think about this in relation to being grateful – a wonderful character trait that we must indeed model to the younger generation – I am grateful for many things, large and small. It is good to stop and take stock of the past few weeks of study leave, and the last term and see all that we have to be grateful for.

Good education and opportunities. Supportive teachers who go the extra (many) miles. Great friends and family for moral support. Lots of resources to use, online and off. Lessons learned about the importance of work boundaries, rest and rewards. Lessons learned too about commitment, hard work, persistence, resilience, effort and not simply focusing on the end achievement.

Having time back as a family where we can hang out without any time constraints. Having lower anxiety levels in the house. No longer required to help out with some crisis at the drop of a hat.

In the middle of challenging and difficult situations, sometimes the last thing we feel like doing is finding things to be grateful for. But going back to the laws of exposure and cognition, this is the very time that seeing the positive is most powerful.

How to do this?

Well, like most things, it takes practice – as I was musing last week. And perhaps for you, some kind of structure.

• at the end of each day, write down three things that you are grateful for
• at the end of each week, write down your top three achievements – especially good if you are self employed and/or your own boss and the focus tends always to be on what still needs done or what problems there are
• start a gratitude journal – lots of research to show the benefits of this, and some nice tips and templates here.
• as you are practicing being more present in the moment (see last week), note what you are grateful for at the same time.
• as you transition between things during the day, stop and acknowledge what just happened and express gratitude, internally or out loud

None of this is rocket science. But it does take practice and being intentional about what are choosing to fill our minds with.

How grateful a person are you? – what would it take to turn that up a notch this week?