“We are suppressed emotions”

Emotions. There are a lot of them around at the moment, be they suppressed emotions or very out in the open. 

Last week, in Scotland, the school exam results came out. Emotions ranging from joy and excitement through relief and ambivalence to disappointment and anxiety are swirling around the country.

This week sees the return to school. There will be parents of new shiny Primary Ones standing tearfully or with relief at the school gate. Brave new first years making their way to the Big Unknown that is Secondary school, and those who have left school moving onto pastures new. If this is you, please read this as I stand in solidarity with you. 

With all these huge transitions come bucket loads of emotions. 

In this house, Elder Nearest-and-Dearest has finished university, graduated and started a graduate job away from home. What has gone before is no longer, and many trusted friends have moved away. There are new routines, rhythms and people to adjust to. 

This is normal life.

And it is a huge adjustment. 

We went to see Inside Out 2 last month.

Four adults, on a Friday evening, to the cinema. Not a child in sight. 

This is a superb film, and I find it hugely moving and profound. 

If you have not seen Inside Out, have a wee read of this blog post to give you a flavour. I recommend the film. 

The second film shows Riley, the central character, reaching puberty. Her existing emotions of Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear and Disgust have been doing quite well so far, but when the Puberty button is pushed, their reactions are intensified. In addition to this, a whole raft of new emotions turn up:

Anxiety, Embarrassment, Envy and Enui (who lounges on a sofa and talks in a fabulous bored French accent). 

We also are introduced to the concept of a Sense of Self, and how beliefs are formed. Astonishing, in a kids’ film. Except I don’t believe it is a kids’ film, not really. 

There is a lot of humour, and some great word play. And there are also some profound truths that really made me stop and think. 

Anxiety turns up and says to Joy:

My job is to protect her (Riley) from the scary stuff she can’t see. I plan for the future.”

Anxiety is there to help Riley fit in with a new and significant group of potential high school friends. Watching the film, I am reminded of how fraught teenage friendships can be and am shot straight back to some distinctly unpleasant memories of my own school years. 

Anxiety also pushes Riley to perfectionism to help her achieve the goal that will mean she fits in with the crowd.

The old emotions get bottled up…

“We are suppressed emotions“

… another brilliant line, as they are captured in a large glass jar. In doing so, Riley’s former, healthy belief system is destroyed and a new one, riddled with self-doubt, is created. 

What eventually becomes frighteningly clear is that Anxiety’s way of helping Riley not only does not work, but creates a Sense of Self that says 

I’m not good enough. 

Gosh. The danger of suppressed emotions.

Many more things happen in the film, and I would love you to go and see it so I don’t want to spoil any more of it. But for the purpose of these musings, it is worth noting two more challenging comments from the film. 

Joy says to Anxiety:

You don’t get to choose who Riley is. Anxiety, you need to let her go.”

Does that resonate with you at all?

There could be any number of PhD theses written on that statement alone. We get to choose what is going on inside our heads. When we can learn to notice – without judgement – when Anxiety is taking over, we can also learn how to talk to ourselves differently, come back into the present and remind ourselves of all that we CAN do. There is so much here that needs revisiting. These musings are helpful in understanding our power of choice over what is going on inside us. 

For me, a key part of understanding this is Joy’s comment about the old emotions in Riley’s head:

You can’t just bottle us up.”

Joy, sadness, fear, anger, disgust – we need to acknowledge, own and sit with these emotions. 

When we bury emotions, they do not go away. They become suppressed emotions, remaining inside us, often with the pressure building up like in a volcano. Just waiting to explode at an inopportune moment. 

I love this quote from Ron Siegel, Professor of Psychology at Harvard:

When we bury feelings, we bury them alive. We wind up living with a heart and mind that are filled with land mines easily triggered when we go through the world.”

Let that sink in this week. 

What do we do with that new awareness? What do we do with suppressed emotions, and how do we learn to make different choices?

More on that next time.