An Advent gift of words

As Christmas approaches, give yourself a gift of words this Advent. 

Two of my favourite words are AND and YET.

And…

I am excited for Christmas AND I feel sadness and grief for the people who are no longer with us. 

These two are not mutually exclusive. Sometimes we feel the need to push down the sadness because we should be feeling cheery and jolly, or we don’t want to upset or burden others.

But we can experience lots of different emotions at once, and denying those that are more painful rarely serves us well. If grief is part of your experience this year, perhaps give yourself a specific time each day to simply sit with those memories and let them come. That allows you to have a safe outlet, and still enjoy being with those you love who are very much present.

Let go of ‘but’s.

Rather than the feeling of having to justify to ourselves or anyone else what we feel we have not done, we can choose instead to use the word AND:

Change “I am doing the best I can but I have not managed this […..] yet” causes guilt, frustration and often self recrimination and apologies. 

Choose instead to use the word AND

“I am doing the best I can AND I have not done this yet” …acknowledges where we are, but with more grace to ourselves in the face of what is a busy time of year. 

Equally, “It’s not what I wanted it to be AND we are still going to have a good time” acknowledges what is, and still allows for what is possible.

YET…

This is another favourite word to add to the end of sentences. 

“I haven’t done this…YET”

“I can’t do this…YET”

This gives ourselves grace. And it also allows breathing space to stop and ask, does it need to be done at all? Maybe, just maybe, there are other things that are more important. That brings me to one particular word that can keep us trapped, year on year…

Perfect

Give yourself the gift this year of letting that word go. Give it a wee holiday in the sun. Off you pop, perfect, I see you but I don’t need your guilt trip this year thank you. 

Because, it does not have to be perfect.

Happiness does not lie in the perfect present or Christmas feast or outfit or party/event/experience or relationship.

You are not perfect, no one is. You are human, precious, unique and lovely. And you have finite resources.

Choose to see when good enough is indeed good enough. When being present is more important than presents. 

Choose to see what is most important to you, and why you are doing what you are doing. Laughter, connection, kindness and grace for mistakes are gifts to yourself this year, not perfect.