Would you describe yourself as a hoarder? Do you have lots of stuff in your house, and how important is that stuff to you?
And what does this have to do with being genuine?
Apparently, another trait of genuine people is that they do not need lots of stuff.
I am not sure of the extent that I agree with this. Are the two things that closely related?
Of course, having stuff or sorting your stuff or dealing with clutter are very trendy topics just now. Recently there has been a whole slew of programmes on television about decluttering and organising your home. Marie Kondo started this trend with her hit Netflix series, and I have written about the Marie Kondo effect here. This got elder Nearest-and-Dearest and I through weeks of study leave during school exams, and was a bright and shining moment in our week – says a lot about us both really.
Nick Knowles of DIY SOS fame led a programme where decluttering was rewarded with a fairly major house remodel. And yet another programme airing at the moment uses heat seeking cameras to track how families use their homes so that space can be organised and utilised more effectively.
[I love this photo by the way, of a knitted bench cover in the park near us. Stuff put to good use!]
But our top favourite is Stacey Solomon’s Sort your Life Out.
What a joy this programme is, to us at least! It is far more than simply a tidying and organising sort of programme. Many tears are shed as emotional backstories to treasured items emerge and underlying behaviours around clutter and hoarding are uncovered. Often there are deep seated needs around keeping items and the inability to let stuff go that speak of hurts, insecurities, loss and need.
Stacey says of the programme:
Letting go of belongings can be a really vulnerable, challenging and emotional experience.”
There is a recognition that letting go of the past can often also mean letting go of people we have lost, memories, and associations with happier times.
How does keeping hold of our stuff link to being genuine?
I think this is where the key lies. It comes back to our internal security and confidence.
When we tie owning stuff to how we feel inside, there can be a problem. Of course, there are lots of inanimate objects that bring us – spark even – joy. I have a pair of red Dorothy shoes that make me much happier than a pair of shoes really should.
I feel like I really could click my heels together when I am wearing them and end up over the rainbow.
But associating our internal happiness and fulfillment with having to have the latest phone/tech/outfit/trainers denies us the opportunity to find that happiness inside ourselves.
Genuine people, it is said, find happiness in their relationships, their sense of self, their contributions to the world.
This is about seeing what really matters and being clear with ourselves about where our identity and sense of self lie.
The pandemic taught us a lot about not taking things for granted. When we were not able to see people, to hug people, when we lost people under really traumatic circumstances, the need for lots of stuff simply disappeared into the ether.
As life returns to whatever normal means, are we tempted to get back on that collecting-stuff bandwagon?
More stuff means more Stuff Management. This takes up time and energy, potentially detracting from people and relationships – the stuff that we say really matters to us.
So this week, pay attention to your attitude to your stuff.
Do you need it or seek it or rely on it to be happy and fulfilled?
Do you perceive that you need a lot of stuff to succeed? If so, what is going on under the surface there? And what would be different in your life if you got rid of a lot of that stuff?