What is the commonest self-talk in your head? As you approach each day, each task, each relationship, is your mindset one of “I have to….” or is it an “I get to…” approach?

This is what we were musing on last week, as the new academic term got under way and the busyness conveyor belt that is life suddenly picked up gear or six.

Some of that busyness is structured for us and seems almost imposed on us – maintaining relationships, job commitments, family commitments, financial commitments, normal household chores. These create a structure and a framework for much of our time.

That can leave us feeling that we have little choice over how we use our time, or how we perceive how we approach all that we have to do.

And there’s that word again, ‘have to do’.

The key to a positive mindset is in our approach.

I have been thinking and writing a lot this past week on mindsets, and how to change negative self talk and beliefs into a positive mindset. This is partly because I am being interviewed on the subject as part of a Transformation Summit on mindset – more about this to follow, here and on Facebook.

But the crucial thing to recognise is that we and we alone are responsible for what happens inside our heads. We can choose to respond to events and think differently because we are response-able people. I have spoken much here about the power of being proactive, and it’s worth considering if you’ve not read it.

Take these next few months – the first academic term, or the autumn season depending on how you look at it.

Pick one thing, that if you took an “I get to…” approach to, it would completely and consistently change the way you viewed that task/situation/relationship.

Here are some very mundane examples.

But you know, it is often in shifting our approach to the most mundane that can bring the greatest freedom. To gain a positive mindset towards the repetitive and life sapping is quite a shift.

• I get to cook every day for my family, and provide nutritious food and an opportunity to eat together.
• I get to spend time listening to my child talk through their latest challenging issue, and be there for them.
• I get to serve on this [group/committee/organisation] and bring what I can to encourage and facilitate others.
• I get to drive my children to [sport/music/drama] every week and have that time to talk with them in the car.
• I get to smile at the people I pass on the same commute every day, and simply make that connection.
• I get to be thankful each day simply because it is a new day with new opportunities.
• I get to reply to emails in a way that encourages them and facilitates their/our work.

For me, I get to get up when the alarm goes off in the morning, and start my day well.

Sleeping is not always something that goes well for me, and I can feel groggy and tired in the morning, causing me to hit the snooze button too many times. I then get up grumpy, irritable, and can still be pyjama-ed well after Nearest-and-Dearest have left for school. This sets my day up very badly.

So rather than thinking “I have to get up now” followed by a train of negative, grumpy self-pitying woes, I am choosing instead to take a positive mindset of:

I get to get up now and start my day well, recognising that the day is a gift, and choosing to be an encouraging, calm presence for my children as they leave for school.”

Obviously, there will be days when I fall flat on my face even as I get out of bed. (Though I hope not literally).

But changing mindsets takes time, and we give ourselves grace.

Each day is a new day, and just because I messed up yesterday does not mean I inevitably will mess up today.

I get to make a new start. I get to try again.

See the power of “I get to…”?

What would it be for you? Where could you develop a positive mindset to one thing that you decide –

I get to….”?