Catriona Futter – Equip For Life Coaching Becoming your best self and living life to the full – 07713 974138

Neglected values – at what cost?

Neglected valuesWhen have there been times of stress in your life due to your values being neglected or ignored? Contradicted or not honoured? In conflict with someone else’s?

Neglected values is a huge subject, and touches on that tricky area of self care. Because doing things for ourselves, prioritising ourselves over others, viewing our own needs as important – well, that’s selfish isn’t it? Self indulgent perhaps, too inward looking.

We’d feel too guilty, and anyway, who has the time?

Ah, and there I would beg to differ.

When we neglect the things that matter to us most, the impact is a lack of fulfilment, dissatisfaction and no peace.

It has taken me many years, and some internal soul searching and digging around, but I know with clarity and confidence what I most need in a week. And it all comes from my values.

I need outside time with fresh air, the natural world, space. I need music, especially the piano, and to create something, from a cake to a new coaching tool. I need some level of organisation and efficiency, in my work and in my environment. I need at least one good soul-connecting conversation with a life-affirming friend. And with those closest to me, to know that there has been some connection beyond the superficial, functional normal-life type – a deeper connection where both parties feel heard and are really seen.

This is me, you will be quite different. Now, just because I know this, does not mean that I implement it. That is an entirely different challenge.

But with knowledge comes power, and choice.

The impact of not living according to my values has caused my soul to become weary, wizened, dried out. I have spoken here of the impact of this, and the importance of soul rest. But this extends further. This isn’t simply about re-fuelling once we have become spent and exhausted.

This is about proactively choosing to invest in ourselves to prevent us burning out in the first place. When we know what matters to us most – our values – we can make better choices about how we use our time.

It also becomes easier to create good and grace-filled boundaries – when we know clearly what it is we are trying to protect. What do we need, what is most important to us, what is OK and what is not OK. Clarity on those topics – each of them huge – comes only when we are clear on our values.

Think about times of stress in your own life, and take a bravery pill and root under the surface. What led up to that time of stress?

  • Perhaps there been compromise of your values for someone else’s – you have heeded what matters most to the other at the expense of yourself.
  • Or short term gain at the cost of long term fulfilment or peace?
  • Perhaps you find yourself in a situation where you are rubbing up against someone else’s very contradictory values. Neither of you are wrong, but how do you unravel what is going on, and make a choice that respects what you both value? Consider the outworking of you valuing stability when someone close to you values risk taking. Or financial security versus generosity. The key is understanding what is going on.

Neglected values can only lead to discontent, discouragement, stress and unhappiness. Not a pretty picture, and not worth it. What is most important to you, where have you been neglecting that, and what first step towards change can you make this week?

Inspired? Encouraged? Get in touch!

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