Catriona Futter – Equip For Life Coaching Becoming your best self and living life to the full – 07713 974138

Help! My relationship is a bit stagnant

Is your relationship a bit stagnant?

Is your relationship a bit stagnant?

A little smattering of relationship musings this week. MB and I celebrated 23 years of marriage at the weekend…quite a thought. Along the way, we have – like all couples – had some pretty awful lows and challenges, as well as much joy and connectedness.

And an awful lot of mundanity. Therein lies an observation I have made of many of my clients.

I am a Life Coach, and do not promote myself as a relationship coach. But so often, for clients who are in a relationship – especially one that has been maturing for a number of years – the challenges, frustrations, and tetchiness of living with someone else raises it’s head during coaching sessions.

The problem?

We can get stuck.

Stagnant, lacking in the joy and fulfilment we once felt in the relationship.

Perhaps a little bored, perhaps a little lonely, perhaps succumbing to “this is as good as it’s going to get” thinking.

Believe me, I have been there – our own struggles with MB’s Black Dog have produced many challenges, before even touching on the normal changes, vagaries and gerbil-wheel-busyness of normal life.

Perhaps –

  • you are both a bit stuck in entrenched ways of thinking and behaving towards each other. Conversations end up in well-worn well-rehearsed battles that leave you both digging in your heels further and feeling utterly misunderstood
  • life is just busy and that which matters a lot to you – your relationship – has fallen by the wayside, through no fault of anyone. But you now know not how to remedy the situation
  • a week can flash by without any conversation with your spouse/partner that goes beyond the functional, practical or organisational (who’s turn is it to…have you paid/arranged…etc)
  • you seem not to be able to speak each other’s language any more. Neither of you feels connected, valued, heard or respected much within the relationship

Not a pretty picture is it.

And not really the kind of relationship any of us would choose to live in for years on end, and yet so often we do.

Sometimes it feels like life just takes over. Children, if they appear in the relationship, complicate things and take up energy, time and focus. Shared values and connectedness are lost.

But does it have to be thus? Does your relationship have to be functional, possibly a little dull, rather than a source of life, encouragement and wholeness?

From experience working with clients, some aspects of your relationship that could be improved with Life Coaching include:

  • recognising what is and is not your responsibility
  • identifying values, and the impact of life choices
  • from understanding your values, identifying how time is used and where priorities are
  • recognising entrenched patterns of behaviour and thinking that are negative and dismantling them
  • growing in self awareness and understanding, and what is at the root of behaviour
  • learning to understand the language of yourself and of your mate, and how to love him/her

And ultimately, and most importantly – none of us can change our partner.

We can only change ourselves – relationship success is more about being the right person than finding the right person.

Looking for help getting your relationship unstuck and moving forward? Get in touch and we can do it together!

 

Inspired? Encouraged? Get in touch!

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