Catriona Futter – Equip For Life Coaching Becoming your best self and living life to the full – 07713 974138

Connection at the heart of relationship

Connection at the heart of relationship

Connection at the heart of relationship

Relationship success is more about being the right person than finding the right person. This is last week’s post in a nutshell, and it seems to have resonated very strongly with you. This makes sense – many of us are at an age and stage when we have been doing life and relationships for years, with associated ups and downs. Keeping the connection strong in our relationship may have fallen down the priority list.

With coaching, the goal is to restore the connection within the relationship. In the absence of a strong, deep connection, the relationship can feel like two separate individuals on different life rafts bobbing about in a sea of busyness. The absence of that connection can leave each feeling isolated and misunderstood, and challenges and problems are magnified. Emotions run high and deep (is that possible?) but with little understanding of how to address those emotions safely and gently.

But work to restore the connection, and thus you establish unity and greater strength. And from here, issues within the relationship, and challenges both internal and external, are easier to address and resolve.

One of the keys to restoring that connection is knowledge.

Because we all know that knowledge is power – when we understand ourselves, and what is at the root of our behaviour and reactions, we are then able to make more informed choices.

And it doesn’t stop there. When we take time to understand our partner/spouse – their values, beliefs, unique wiring and internal scripts – we create much more opportunity for breaking negative behaviour cycles and establishing positive ones within the relationship.

I recognise that this is a HUGE subject area, and I do not want to stray into the area of counselling. However, there are some common beliefs that surface in all relationships, not just those in the type of crises that would precipitate counselling.

Stuck, stagnant, dull, functional – if we are being brutally honest, many of us might acknowledge that our relationship is a little thus. Notice I say acknowledge not admit. There is no shame in this.

Relationships are hard work, take time and commitment, and require much emotional,

practical and cognitive investment.

And we struggle to give our relationships all the investment they warrant because of the demands and challenges of modern life. But all that to say, we entered into our relationship in the first place because we loved our partner and wanted that connection, the fulfilment and enjoyment of living in a connected relationship.

So what to do?

Over the next few weeks I will tentatively and cautiously approach some of the big dangerous beliefs that rob us of connection within our relationship, and challenge us all to take small steps to address and deal with what we find.

Issues like –

  • the problems in our relationship are all my partner’s fault
  • I thought relationships were supposed to be easy/wonderful/a bed of roses
  • my partner is not meeting all my emotional needs
  • I am doing everything, he/she is doing nothing, they owe me big time
  • I’m fine, he/she is the one who needs to change

Nice, lighthearted topics….Why is this so important? Why does this come up all the time in my work as a life coach, in my own friendships and in my own marriage?

Because I believe we were made to be in relationships, and thrive when there is a strong, deep connection that enables and encourages us to be at our best and bring out the best in others.

All relationships are important – friendships bring richness and joy without which we would be impoverished. But for this wee while, I am talking specifically about marriage/partner relationship. I recognise if you are single, this might be annoying, frustrating or hard. I apologise. I simply am addressing what I come across all the time in my work.

Have a wee look at that list above. What would you say was the biggest challenge facing your relationship this week? What one thing can you identify that if implemented, would start to make changes to restore or strengthen the connection in your own relationship?

 

 

Inspired? Encouraged? Get in touch!

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