Catriona Futter – Equip For Life Coaching Becoming your best self and living life to the full – 07713 974138

Who loses out when your harbour a grudge?

bitterness takes hold like roots

Your stomach is all chewed up.

Tension across your shoulders. Headaches. Disturbed sleep, disjointed and disturbed dreams. Chronic irritability and an inability to concentrate. Not a pretty list is it? For me, these are just some of the physical symptoms that come with harbouring a grudge.

Someone wounds you, there is an injustice.  It hurts. You hold onto the incident, allowing it to fester and brew, to gain power over you. You nurture it, holding and caressing it – ‘it’s not fair, look what they did to me, I don’t deserve this, I’ve been wronged, I want everyone to know what they did, how can I go on now‘ – and it takes root.

And of course, resentment grows, and the root has a name – bitterness. And you know what, bitterness will eat you alive, digested slowly from the inside with pain, unpleasantness, loss of joy. You name it. It will suck the life out of you.

As someone once very wisely said:

“Bitterness is like drinking poison

and waiting for the other person to die”

When we are wronged – the Wrongee – we very naturally feel hurt, wounded, and a sense of injustice, and often we want others to know what harm we have befallen. We want the person who hurt us – the Wronger – to have their comeuppance.

And it is important that we own those feelings and acknowledge them. Pushing them down into the deepest recesses of ourselves will not help, those emotions will only grow of their own accord and suddenly spring out of us when least expected. Trust me, I know – and the ensuing rage was not pretty at all. Very damaging for nearest-and-dearest.

But – and here is the key – once we have owned those feelings, we then choose to reflect on what happened and learn what we can for our own character growth, and then LET THEM GO before a grudge is formed. Because ironically, the chances are the Wronger may be blissfully unaware and going about their business with gusto and cheerfulness whilst the Wrongee suffers and is eaten alive with bitterness.

Choosing to let go of the hurt, not form a grudge, and – here is the even trickier part – to forgive the Wronger – is the only way to regain our own sense of peace and self. To rid ourselves of the destructive physical, emotional, psychological and mental effects of bitterness. And perhaps, to gain an insight into ourselves along the way that enables our own character to develop just a smidgen.

Don’t get to the end of your life and regret the destructive effect bitterness has had on you because of that long-held grudge.

Let it go. (I feel a song coming on…)

One Thought on “Who loses out when your harbour a grudge?

  1. Pingback: Lessons from Depression Part 3: Respect your own needs - Catriona Futter - Equip For Life Coaching

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