Catriona Futter – Equip For Life Coaching Becoming your best self and living life to the full – 07713 974138

How do you communicate your emotional needs?

How well defined or communicated are your own emotional needs in your closest relationships?

Oo-ohhh – can open, worms everywhere! (To quote a flamboyant old friend!)

You may be starting to understand and create or strengthen your own boundaries, but do those around you understand what they are, and why? How does this apply to those you live with, work with, and socialise with?

How to communicate your emotional needs - what's inside you?

How to communicate your emotional needs – what’s inside you?

We accept that having boundaries is healthy and necessary – you are protecting what you know ie:

who you are, your values, personality, what you can do and what is important to you.

This is about self worth and self acceptance, and understanding your limits. But if those around you don’t know or understand this, it is harder for them to respect your boundaries and the unique way you are wired.

My beloved is as different from me as it is possible to be. He has also understood me better and for much longer than I have understood myself. When I am very stressed and overstretched, and feel out of control with life (usually because I have ignored my own limits) I have a fairly well identified way of expending my pent up frustration without exploding. I tidy the house like some kind of Tasmanian devil. Nothing is safe. He has been known to warn the children to stay out of the way for fear of being vacuumed or put in a bin bag.

The first time I did this in full charging bull mode, he quietly let me finish, then gently put his hands on my shoulders, looked into my eyes and asked ‘Do you feel better now?’ I was so cross – but only because he had me absolutely sussed.

We have learned from this and now communicate our quirks, needs and week’s schedule in advance. He needs time to recharge on his own at the end of a busy, people-filled working day, as he is a natural introvert.  Along with this, small chunks of solo self care activities throughout the week top up his energy levels and enable him to function better as dad, husband, friend, boss.

He knows I need at least one life giving conversation with a friend a week, some time on my own, some degree of order in the house, and time to sit and talk with him so we properly connect. So we are learning to make those things a priority for each other. We have much clearer boundaries on what we say yes and no to individually and as a family because we understand our limits.

What do you know of the needs of those around you? How are they wired, compared to you? Those that you live, socialise and work with?

And how can you communicate your emotional needs to them, and learn to listen to theirs? More to explore here next week.

 

2 Thoughts on “How do you communicate your emotional needs?

  1. Moira Ritchie on October 21, 2015 at 9:36 pm said:

    I’m bamboozled! I have no idea how I’m wired or what my boundaries should be. For so long I’ve just carried on doing what I do and every now and again break down. More discussion on recognising boundaries and setting up safeguards required!

    • Catriona Futter on October 26, 2015 at 2:14 pm said:

      Thank you so much for sharing that – it is not an easy topic, and certainly has got people thinking. Growing self awareness is the starting point, and you are on this journey, which is great. More to come!

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