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How do you measure your worth?

Oct 2013, blog 078 

Where do you get your worth from?

What do you use for a measure of how others perceive you?

This came up as a tricky life lesson in our house this week for daughter number one. It turns out that she is the only person in her class who does not have a mobile phone. This clearly is Not Cool, and, poor child, she has had many questions asked of her as to why she doesn’t own such technology and when she will. Now she doesn’t really know what she would do with a phone – she sees her school friends all the time, and calls them on our home landline if she wants a blether. She also couldn’t really tell us what her friends do with/on their phones (they are not allowed to use them in school anyway). But the point for her was that she felt like the odd one out, and that her peers viewed her as being un-cool because she did not have a phone. On the one hand, my heart breaks for her, as this is a tough one and many of us have been there or can really relate to being the not-cool-kid. But, as we told her, this is the start of one of the most important lessons in life that she will learn – she is cool, and loved and of worth because of who she is not because of what she does or what she owns. We told her that she is not going to get a phone (or any other technology for that matter) purely because of how it will make her look, she will get one when she needs one as she becomes more independent. But we also sought to pour into her heart-sore wounds what it is that does make her cool – her caring nature, her sensitivity, her ability to encourage and bring out the best in others, her sense fun, her artistic abilities. As grown-ups, we don’t necessarily desire coolness, but we certainly want to know that we matter, that we fit in, that people like us. Do we need or rely on props to do this, or do we understand our unique worth and that being free to be who we are, to grow into our best selves, is what matters most? 

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